Rest for the weary
I didn't take my injection tonight. After a 2 hour hour nap and Kev hardly being able to wake me up, he said maybe we should call the doctor and take a break. This is supposed to be a good day but this week seemed to slowly go by without much trend in feeling better and strong for another injection. All I've eaten is pretzels and water for a few days. Don't get me wrong I'm doing ok, its manageable but a lot. A lot in so many different ways. I feel exhaustion like never before, I'm emotionally having hard days, some better than others, the kids are struggling a bit. It's just wearing on us at this time. I talked to the doctor, who I love (have I said that?) and she said TOTALLY DO NOT TAKE THE INJECTION! If I'm not feeling well, I can't risk not feeling worse. It's not like I'm going to take an advil. The risks of messing with this medicine like I've mentioned before are way too much, especially because we do already know how my body has handled too much cumulative amount.
So here we are. Kind of a mess, but hanging in. Heather got me through this day with her words and encouragement when I felt like I was failing. Mickey (Lizz) ran all my errands and did everything around here that now she does better than me. Fighting cancer is HARD work, way harder than I ever gave any cancer fighter credit for before. It's not just physically feeling weak and not myself, tired, and exhausted, its trying to be emotionally stable, with no brain, and to be a mom to my 4 kids still. Its really hard right now. We all need lots of support and I don't know what that means, but we need it. Sometimes I wonder If I was bald and getting my drugs in the hospital would people be more sympathetic and understanding to the inside. It's been so interesting to me since my diagnosis to look at people in a totally new way. Oh friends I have NO IDEA what is going on and what battles you are fighting, and I am so thankful that is part of my new perspective too. It's extending Grace where people need it, even when they look like they are on top of the world.
I got on here to just say, my levels are low, which means my body is exhausted. I can't take this weeks injection and we go to UPENN in a week for blood work and to talk to the doctor about what comes next. We are going to see my sister and her husband for Easter and we need this family time so desperately. We need to be together and have quality time outside of Mechanicsburg where life has been really hard for the past few months. Pray that we will have the best time, even if it's hanging out in their apartment and reading books.
Happy Easter weekend to all my people. I love you desperately. You are my team and if you are reading my words you are getting me through by your love and support. The days I'm hanging by a thread I know I have all of you that I can count on. Those of you that reach out and tell me you are praying, I am forever grateful for you. Enjoy your Easter weekend with your families. He came, he died, he rose, so that one day we can be with him, in forever heaven. If none of this was true, then life would have no meaning and no purpose. In giving myself to him, to trust his plan, and to know he has my life in his hands, I can find rest for my soul because the end of this story is beautiful and he wins. If there is nothing else right now that is good, and if you are overcome with a hard, tough life, then I wish you would give yourself to God now, and become less so he can become more. We are all broken, I am. Through my broken I've found it way easier now to be less of me and more of HIM.
So here we are. Kind of a mess, but hanging in. Heather got me through this day with her words and encouragement when I felt like I was failing. Mickey (Lizz) ran all my errands and did everything around here that now she does better than me. Fighting cancer is HARD work, way harder than I ever gave any cancer fighter credit for before. It's not just physically feeling weak and not myself, tired, and exhausted, its trying to be emotionally stable, with no brain, and to be a mom to my 4 kids still. Its really hard right now. We all need lots of support and I don't know what that means, but we need it. Sometimes I wonder If I was bald and getting my drugs in the hospital would people be more sympathetic and understanding to the inside. It's been so interesting to me since my diagnosis to look at people in a totally new way. Oh friends I have NO IDEA what is going on and what battles you are fighting, and I am so thankful that is part of my new perspective too. It's extending Grace where people need it, even when they look like they are on top of the world.
I got on here to just say, my levels are low, which means my body is exhausted. I can't take this weeks injection and we go to UPENN in a week for blood work and to talk to the doctor about what comes next. We are going to see my sister and her husband for Easter and we need this family time so desperately. We need to be together and have quality time outside of Mechanicsburg where life has been really hard for the past few months. Pray that we will have the best time, even if it's hanging out in their apartment and reading books.
Happy Easter weekend to all my people. I love you desperately. You are my team and if you are reading my words you are getting me through by your love and support. The days I'm hanging by a thread I know I have all of you that I can count on. Those of you that reach out and tell me you are praying, I am forever grateful for you. Enjoy your Easter weekend with your families. He came, he died, he rose, so that one day we can be with him, in forever heaven. If none of this was true, then life would have no meaning and no purpose. In giving myself to him, to trust his plan, and to know he has my life in his hands, I can find rest for my soul because the end of this story is beautiful and he wins. If there is nothing else right now that is good, and if you are overcome with a hard, tough life, then I wish you would give yourself to God now, and become less so he can become more. We are all broken, I am. Through my broken I've found it way easier now to be less of me and more of HIM.
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