2 YEARS!

2 years ago today:

That phone call came. 

No one remembers it as clear as me.

Cancer tried to come and take away my life.

2 years ago everything changed. 

I've seen his provision and hand in everything.

I'm more thankful than ever before, not measured by circumstance. 

I long and hope for eternity with God because being able to experience him in more ways than I already have these past two years will be perfection. 

2 years ago started the unraveling of heart.

Every year that passes seems like a milestone. I think it will for the rest of my life. 

At my 6 month visit last week my world renown melanoma specialist looked at me and said, "this is SO good". I didn't get the remission or all clear,  It didn't really change anything or mean I've crossed over into some safe place but the fact that we are making it to the 2 year no evidence of melanoma mark is a significant thing. I felt relief from her. I felt like she wasn't with concern like before and she was also rejoicing to make it to this milemarker. There is still a long way to go in this life, we all have our appointment and only God knows. It's hard to celebrate and then leave scheduling your next set of scans and appointments, but I feel able and ready to tackle the time ahead I've been given.  If you know anything about Melanoma it is substantially different in many ways from most cancers. (There is another whole explanation to why I needed to experience this specific trek) You guys when you see me worshiping at church, or smiling while grocery shopping with my 4 kids, you know why. If you are alive today you are a survivor too. Whatever you have gone through or whatever will come to pass, you will make it through that too. 

This week I sat on a park bench while my kids ran around and played with their Grandaddy. I met a beautiful woman who shared how hopelessness had entered into her family. She shared how she was caught in the middle of sadness, finding purpose and trying to encourage family members to be hopeful. At that moment I was able to share my story, how good God has been, even though it's been hard. How my trust in him has not made sense of anything but brought purpose to everything. I was able to share that having hope created a changed perspective and ministry out of yuck and despair. Hope because I know the end of the story no matter what journey I'm on to get there. I would have never been able to share my heart with her if I had not walked the path I have the last two years. I'm not the only one with a story friends, that same thing is happening to you, He's going to use every yuck and hard thing, and make it beautiful in his time. 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live" Ecc 3

We went to take family pics yesterday. My awesome photographer sister searched out sunflower farms and so we drove out to the country to find one. When we arrived they were all past bloom. It was a sad looking field of sunflowers, past their life prime, no longer exposing the beauty we expected. 

But we found one.

One bloom in a wasted away place.

And it was so beautiful.

That one standing flower struck me.

If they were all in bloom I would have never noticed the one. So strong. So resilient. 

The journey looked different for this one and I don't know why or how it's still standing but it is. So it does it's job, keep it's face towards the sun, and waits. 

According to the National Sunflower Assocation, "When the plant is in the bud stage, it tends to track the movement of the sun across the horizon. Once the flower opens into the radiance of yellow petals, it faces east. No one knows why. However, it is likely a defensive response. Facing south or west could result in sun-scalding of seeds during very hot days."

My heart was full.

Everyday still standing is such a gift.

I feel like in this almost back to normal existence, I have to search for the beautiful things radiating out of what he's doing in my life and that always reminds of how faithful he has been and still is. 

“A Father's heart that's for me

A never ending story

Of love that's always chasing me

His kindness overwhelming

And hope for me unending

He's never given up on me

I will sing of all You've done

I'll remember how far You carried me

From beginning until the end

You are faithful, faithful to the end

There wasn't a day

That You weren't by my side

There wasn't a day

That You let me fall

All of my life

Your love has been true

All of my life

I will worship You”

-Bethel Music

Thank you for walking this journey with us.

For supporting and loving us.

For showing us grace and mercy in the harder days and the getting back to some sorta, whatever the heck normal is, days

For your prayers. Prayers you guys. They work. 

I am so so grateful for YOU. 

Xo