Sovereignty of God

The First week of school was not what I imagined it would be. I was well prepared to send little ones to school, I thought. I am so not the momma jumping for joy at relasing them, but I do know the quality of them having a place to attend that they love and are loved in. Sending off a Kindergartner though, it’s no JOKE. I’ve done it twice, but this one just hit me like a ton of bricks. All three of my girls out the door, my whole life, there they went. I sorta stared at the wall the first day trying to fiugre out what came next, while my boy asked me fight. He asked me at lunch what I was goin got do all day when he went to school. I told him we had to talk about that later. 

My little kindgergarten girl was so ready, So exited. We are so thankful. Launching, no matter what the phase or age, is no joke. More Trust, More Prayer, More letting Go and letting God. 

That night I had planned to make cookies, yes of the homeade type. I am no Martha Stewart and shoudnt have tried to be anythign close to the sort. I should have just bought the cut it out of a log shape type. When in doubt, don’t try to be what you aren’t. Kids are happy either way. 

Anyhow, an explosion of hot oil that was on the stove leaked into the gas oven causing quite a mess, and fire, inside the insulation of the oven. After turning off the oven and taking it apart, we need a new one. No big deal right. Frist day of school, new oven. This is nothing right. whew. 

Thursday AM I woke to take all the kids to school, mind you I’m waking up at 5:30 trying to figure out how to manage 4 kids dressed, fed, and out the door. If you havent done it, its not an easy affair.  Last year it was just two of them. This year the chaos doubled. It’s not for the faint of heart. I can drop off all my babies and keep it together, I can. I will drop them off then meet my husband for oven shopping. Lovely. I hope Grant Goes to his first day, he told me he wasn’t so I am leaving the house have no clue what’s ahead….

A bad accidnet. That is what happened next. I was distracted over all the morning chaos, and I didnt even get to drink my coffee. Thank God everyone was ok. We were and are shaken up, so were my lovely neighbord that I happened to hit, what are the chances of that? I have been in a fog for the last couple days. Thankful, but it still feel yucky. My anxiety is high. This week was yet another reminder that this life is so so precious and so so short. I’ve already caused my kids a great deal of life anxiety and this just feels so bad that I had done it again. It hurts a mommas heart to see thier kids worried, to be the sourse of all their worry, that’s been a hard healing for me. Then this. And I should not be shaken by the trials of this life on earth. 

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16: 33).

I have no idea why this happened. No idea why this week felt so hard. I want to go back and start this week over again and just erase the events that unfolded. I also know that some of the hardest weeks of my life have been the ones where I have felt God's presence the greatest, so I know I need to trust in Him. I also realize my ability to cope in shock and sucky days is still weak and I am easily an emotional mess. “God is so sovereign even in this” a friend texted me. 
Yes I thought to myself, yes YOU are My Jesus.
A day without you is agony.

All through my cancer journey I met with a counselor who was able to walk me through the hardest part of my life. Everyone needs someone like her when you need help coping. I haven’t shared much of that part of the journey. God provided a women who had herself walked through what I was with kiddos, a cancer story. She was able to talk me through some of the hardest days you can imagine, not only because of her expertise but because of her experience. As the accident happened on Thursday guess who the first person was God sent running down the sidewalk to me and my sobbing babies? Do you believe in coincidence? There is no such thing.  Even typing this tears are streaming down my face. She was there for the whole thing, hugging me and my babies, praying on the side of the road, taking my kids to school. Later in the day I saw her again and told her she was the angel God sent me to be able to get through that awful day. Then she told me that she was supposed to go to work but has decided last minute, because she wasn't “feeling it” to take a turn for home instead. With tears again, And she said to me, “THAT Jo, is called the sovereignty of God” I have to share this, because this is his GLORY that is all around us. This is his deplore for us even when we are hurting. Even in the "collisions" of life, he was right there. 

His power, overwhelming

His abundance, overflowing

His love, unending

A day I wouldnt have chose. A week I think I could have done without. I have no idea why any of this happned but I do know without a doubt that God showed up so that I would know He was still there. I won’t ever question that. In whatever hard may come. 

"Who Can Compare To You"

Where would I be 

If it wasn’t for Your kindness toward me 

You’ve been closer than a friend could ever be

There is nothing on the Earth that could take Your place

I am undone

For You see all there was and all that will be 

Yet you’ve set your vast affection upon me

By Your voice the world was made and still You called my name

Who can compare to You 

Who moves my heart the way You do 

Who can compare to You 

Who moves my heart the way You do

Kingdoms come and kingdoms fade 

But always You remain 

Ages pass and seasons change 

But always You remain the same

This life just isn’t going to go the way I think, plan, or want. I am not prepared for the days that come, yet I want to act like I am. There are many of my closest people right around me walking through impossible situations, waiting for news, watching thier loved ones suffer in agonizing pain... the burdens of this life can be too much. We just have to see Him in it. There are not many days that go how we plan. We are sidetracked too often and surprised when God is not. Trust him today, then when tomorrow comes the burdens will be easier to bear. 

He reminds us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” So then even in the days that we want to erase or forget, his power is there making us Strong in our own weakness. 

I know that this life I live is only the beginning of an eternity story. One that inevitable ends with HOPE and Joy in the presence of God. Does that make these days easy, no. Filled with tears, yes. Can I do today and this life? Yes. Ripped, hurt, and rattled one day, filled with Thankfulness and Joy the next. Overcome by emotions that I am trying to compartmentalize so that I can let go of more to him and carry less of this life on me. I need the reminder that it’s ok to be upset about hard things. To mourn with those who are mourning but as 2 Cor. 6:10 says, “sorrowful, but always rejoicing”. Also to use our Human weakness to search and know him more. "Dwelling in anxiety only leads to more anxiety, but dwelling in anxiety with purpose to seek God, His Word, and process through prayer can actually be quite healthy spiritually and lead to great growth and a deeper understanding of the Person of God."  -Lindsey at  Road to 31

“It’s okay to let the tears come, to weep over all this pain, all this love, all this beauty, all this brokenness and the hard roads that we somehow find ourselves walking, forcing one step in front of the other.” - Ann Voscamp

Holding onto Hope that this week ahead will be better than the last... Knowing that our hard weeks are all in perspective. We can do this. So can you, whatever it is you are facing ahead. xoxo