He's so good to me

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

    for his steadfast love endures forever!

Psalms 107:1

Several months ago right at the beginning stages of my diagnosis I was given a gift. I was introduced to something that would change my life. The day was September 17th. A couple days before my major, life changing surgery, and the start of new beginnings for me. 

On a walk a few nights ago I passed a dear neighbor, a few months post baby and she was jogging. I stopped her to tell her good job, its hard, ok super hard, to get back at something. I told her how in a weird way after my first run around the neighborhood I was in tears because I didn't know if I should be so mad that I could barely jog or super ecstatic that I could jog. That sums up my emotions on many days, weird mix or being so so thankful and still trying to live out this path set before me.

So anyway, we went on talking a few mintutes. I asked her where it was she went to church again, she told me.. then I realized that is where the Bethel music concert was going to be, so I told her about how I was going to see them...

She stopped, looked at me, and said, "I have to tell you something. I was the one who gave you the Bethel CD. I just felt like God was telling me to do it, to drop it off for you. It was like I was being told to go out of my comfort zone and give it to you." You see friends, that little gesture changed me. We cried. And I hugged her sweaty self and I loved it. She told me how she drove past my house several times before actually leaving the note and CD anonymously. Then I told her how my college roommate had sent me via text the "Brave" video a few days before the CD randomly showed up. And it was already becoming my life song at the time, and she was just being used to deliver it. Then she was in awe. I'm standing there on the sidewalk, looking at this beautiful God-loving and listening woman, thinking how can God be so good to me, over and over again, so abundantly loving, covering, and good.

I ran home fast after that, my head spinning. This is the stuff you write down. These are the God sightings in our lives that are right there. He used this women, a neighbor who doesn't know me that well, to bless me.. and lets be honest, change my life. This is my story over and over again....

I was introduced to Bethel music that day, at a time where I needed to feel God's presence more closely. I needed to be lifted up. Several of their songs on those CDs have become my life songs through worship. Listening and praying through some of the hardest days of my life. Music has a way of telling stories, and for my life the Bethel music will always tell the story of this journey. Songs were played on the way to scans, prepping in the OR for surgery, and every single time we leave UPENN we still listen to our same song, I and cry. Now the random act of kindness that introduced me to this group, or worship leaders, makes my heart beat even louder. To his favor, his love, and my totally underserving Grace dropped in my lap every single day.

What does worship look like to you? What makes your heart beat? I had so many days of Bethel music playing while I laid in my bed too sick to read or do anything else. Worship before always looked so perfect and put together. It was a designated quite time, or well thought prayer. I entered into a season where my worship because my constant communication, whether it tears, or questions, He was there and I was too. Last night one of the Bethel worship leaders said God created us each individually and loves us the same. And we all worship him in our own way, whatever that looks like, to him always be the glory.... 

"And doing the will of God is the outshining of God in his glory. "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good deeds and give glory to your father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). All of life is the outshining of what you truly value and cherish and treasure. Therefore all of life is worship. Either of God, or something else.

Therefore be transformed in the renewal of your mind. Cherish God in all his works and all his ways. Reckon the old mind dead and offer yourself to God as a living sacrifice that he may put you on display by the outshining of his worth and his value in your life. Worship him with your life."

John Piper

So you don't have to save the world. But one little gesture can be a part of a change. Hearing God's voice telling you to step out of your comfort and drop off a little thing for a neighbor may seem trite, until you look back, months later and see the impact you have just made on someones life. So who is "Brave"? Not me. The Brave are the thousands (literally) of people who showed up in a mess, said something when they had no idea what to say, cried tears of Joy when celebration was due, loved our kids, and prayed for us. The Brave are the ones who stepped out and stepped up. They listened when God was calling them and they weren't even sure how clear his voice was. You my friends are the brave ones, I am just the lucky one. 

As I walked out the door last night to leave to the concert I got the news that my sweet Granny ran into the arms of Jesus. She was surrounded by those that loved on her huge, and my cousin Dana sang Amazing Grace. Again I'm in awe of God's timing. These life songs have surrounded my like the Psalms, taught me how to lift my tired hands, to the one who is faithful. He knew forever ago what would be laid in front of me the moment hard came. To sit in that concert last night and worship and think of how my Granny is celebrating in worship with her king. Nothing better. NOTHING. It would be a lie to say that part of me doesn't long for that with jealously that this hard life is over for her. God timing is impeccable. ALWAYS. Often we can't see it at the time, many times we can, but either way in the end its the perfect way because its his. 

I brought my frozen tissues and didn't even need to open them. That is a big deal friends. I cried a few tears, but smiled waaaay more times. 

Old things have passed away 

Your love has stayed the same 

Your constant grace remains the cornerstone

Things that we thought were dead

Are breathing in life again

You cause your Son to shine on darkest nights

For all that you’ve done we will pour out our love 

This will be our anthem song

Jesus we love you 

Oh how we love you

You are the one our hearts adore

The hopeless have found their hope

The orphans now have a home

All that was lost has found its place in you

You lift our weary head

You make us strong instead

You took these rags and made us beautiful

Bethel Music