Summer Finale. Long update and lots of pictures.

"All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship"

Hillsong-Desert Song

Today was SO long. So emotional. We are rejoicing and so thankful for good news. My scans were clear with No Evidence of Disease. No one is promised tomorrow but there is relief tonight in trusting that God has written more time for my story, and I am grateful for that.

We decided to take the kids with us this trip. Not sure that was a logical or wise decision. We forgot Grant's shoes, there were numerous quarrels and wrestling matches in rooms never designed for 6 patients plus hospital staff.  It added some stress. I feel like I'm not a good mom on these days that are about me. I mean isn't that what parenthood is, the most selfless commitment you will make?

My scans were early and we darted out of the house about the time school will start in a  few days. That is going to be a rude awakening for us here at the Dennstaedt's. The kids all drank waiting room coffee and Kev prayed for me before they took me back. They had a hard time getting the IV in and I'll be honest, I hate needles. You would think by now I wouldn't. I left my scan in tears. I'm pretty sure I just needed a minute to release all the emotion I had bottled up the last couple weeks.

We ventured upstairs to the lab for my blood draw. The kids held my hand. They also asked a million questions, including how they were going to get it all back in. My nurse today knew Kev's brother and sister and her kiddos went to their school, so even in this big huge world, God makes it small and sent that special little hug to us.

We then went to a coffee shop, relaxed, did some school work, talked. This was the moment I was thankful they were all there. Just a good day to be together before our summer abruptly ends before we wish it to. The day was special. Not everyone gets to make these memories. Surreal. Emotional for me. Hard to parent and support me for Kev. I'm thankful for good news, but thankful today is over. There are not too many days I wish for the sun to set.

Thank you for praying for us again. I felt them and God answered them they way we asked. I have such a hard time celebrating on these good news days and I can't really articulate why. I think the relief and the holding my breath for weeks prior is so exhausting. I have no real way to release other than to cry. The news is so good. My doc was super happy. The longer we go out, the better, but never safer. We talked about the psychological parts of how cancer changes someone. Especially the coping tools etc and finding someone to aid a little more in that part of this journey.  We also talked about how it changes your body too. Some of the things that are just weight that is never lifted, even with news the actual cancer doesn't exist. I'll spare you all the details but I think I still walk around that place trying to see myself as anyone that should belong there. If you have walked this path, then I'm pretty sure you might get that.

We hugged everyone.
Took pictures.
Scheduled and planned for all the next appointments.
Listened to our theme song, twice because we left something at the hospital and had to go back.
And went on our way.

I will sleep well tonight. I will wake up tomorrow and do the daily grind again, with more thanks. That seems to be gleaned with each and every month out of this life chapter.
The burden of cancer will be carried by my creator because its too much to bear myself, and that is where I will leave it for now.


This song kept playing in my head all day... Especially after the good news:

You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
-Great are you Lord, All Sons and Daughters

"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live.

    I will praise my God to my last breath!" Psalm 104:33

* And if today didn't go for you the way you hoped or imagined, I am with you too. He hasn't forgotten about you, He hasn't left and turned his back. Actually its the exact opposite. He is over it all, He is in it all. He is writing your story perfectly "for your good" and "His glory". He isn't surprised at the end of your day or mine. Trust that. Know that. I know those days too. Email me and we can talk more, I would love to. jwdennstaedt@gmail.com