Has been and will be

Tomorrow is a big day. I will head out to UPENN to have scans and blood work, and to see one of my favorite people in the world now, my oncologist. 

Kev and I were folding laundry a bit ago and he looked at me and asked if I was ready for tomorrow. I told him I am. I'm ok really. I joking responded with, "yea I'm ready for tomorrow, lets just wake up and go find out if I have cancer, just an ordinary day.. what else would we do?"

We laughed, (I cried enough last week to get me through a few months) we are ready to go. 

We had major issues with insurance this week, giving us trouble about scans, wanting certain ones before others. Long story short is that tomorrow I won't have all the scans we want. I will leave hopefully with good news, but also expecting I may feel a little incomplete with news. After the shock and exhaustion, I am at peace with what we have to go through first.  I know that God has indeed been with me everywhere I have gone on this journey, and I trust without a doubt that whatever journey he takes us on next in our life he will be leading too. 

Today I was encouraged. I felt loved and prayed for. Friends showed up. People sent texts. Best friends wrote cards and sweet notes. Friends this cancer journey somedays is lonely, today was not one of them. YOU carried me through today knowing where my mind was, and I will make it through tomorrow too.

I have learned and am witness to a life of God answering prayers. With that I humbly come before you and ask because we do need it. 

Pray for continued peace. I feel it. 

Pray, beg, plead, for NED. This is what we so desire. 

Pray for baby boy and our other littles as we leave them for the day. They are in the best hands, and so am I. 

Thank you for walking this journey with us. We SO do NOT know what we are doing here still, but we are humbled, and full of thanks for the grace of God that has been handed to us so undeservingly. 

When you wake up tomorrow and you don't have to go talk about scary cancer, get IV's, and needles stuck in you, sit in what feels like a time capsule, and wonder how you got there, while imagining yourself laying in a bed of feathers of the mighty wings of our creator, when you don't have to kiss your kiddos goodbye and head to a hospital, BE THANKFUL. Just for me, go and conquer your day no matter where and what God has for you. 

HE IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. 

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained". Philippians 3

I will post when I have news, with whatever news we have.