He remains

This past month has felt a little challenging. Actually 2 years ago I would have named it impossible, but now I have lived through impossible and talk to others every single day living in their impossible, so challenging it is. I am reminded that at the awakening of our day the circumstances ahead are changing, unpredictable, unstable, and will wreck each and every one of us if we don't realize that HE REMAINS UNCHANGED. 

“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed." Malachi 3:6

So unchanging

Your promise is sure

Never ending

Your love will endure

You were, You will be

You always are the Great I Am

You, Oh Lord will remain

When everything else

Fades away

You, Oh Lord will remain

-"You Will Remain" All Sons and Daughters

I've spoken it out of my own mouth, how I am surrendered to his plan whatever may come to pass. I realized this month that although I trust that and spoke that, I've placed him in a box of what I think that means. I thought that meant sickness. Hardship. The worst. What I didn't realize is that in my day to day happenings I was failing to have peace and trust his plan is FOR me. You guys when you wreck your car, your husband gets swiped on the turnpike by sheet metal and wrecks his car, your oven breaks and you give away all your pans when they take your old oven, you get a flat tire, our baby boy visits the er to get his eye glued up, your disposal needs repair, you have big check ups at the cancer clinic, your best friends visit but they leave again, your medically necessary leg pump for pain gets denied by insurance, and you forget like 16 meetings and 27 homework assignments in the first month of school. This life is no joke. It has been 3 weeks of utter chaos in our house, and if you aren't laughing then you are crying so we will stick to laughing. I know really really hard days, and I know hard days that aren't too bad but are still hard. For all these disruptions named I can name more good days. More blessings of being here and being able to do this chaos. Sometimes it just takes some groundwork discipline and watering my roots, or quickly I can go to the "what on earth is happening here" talk. 

"HE is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow." Hebrews 13:8

The good news in all this is, our cars will be fine, our stuff can all be fixed and replaced. My health is  gift and today I am here doing chaos with my hub and four babies. It's hard and there have been tears, but I know my God is faithful and there is rest in that place. I say I know it, because I have lived it. We gain more perspective everyday. When My baby boy is getting his eye glued back together by a team of docs my husbands response is. "atleast our problems are getting smaller". I don't want to know what they thought of us. I'm not making it up. But problems big or small, HE remains BIG. Bigger than our day, bigger than our problems, bigger than our life. I think I needed to be bombarded this past month. I needed my faith to be tested and come out stronger. I needed to have minor issues feel like big ones and be thankful for minor issues. I needed to realize that life is unstable in other ways than just the BIG things. I needed to trust God more in the little things and in all things. 

I haven't posted much about my health, because there isn't much to report. Praise Jesus. If you are a survivor like me you know that everyday has challenges. There are things I am still doing daily and appointments to be had constantly. There is fear to fight and more trust to be learned, but I am doing so well. Most days. 

In a paraphrase:

My thyroid is healing

I am doing some hormone testing

My white counts are still too low- which we want higher for a strong immune system

My lymphedema in my leg is doing better, I got some cool purple stockings. I need a pump and hope to have insurance agree at some point 

I am feeling better and have been exercising

I am ramping up with my naturopath on immunity building as we head into sick season

You guys God is so good. We are all in over our head. Whether a little or a lot, this life is more than we can do by our own strength. I am SO ill equipped to do cancer, do mommy hood, do the wife thing, do friendship, do changing circumstances, UNLESS my STRENGTH and HOPE comes from HIM. 

"Hope of Eternity with Christ in Heaven also enables my heart to thrive during the most difficult and lengthy of trials here on earth. Wen looking at the sheer weight of unseen glories to come, my troubles seen might by comparison; and when looking at the staggering length of eternity, my troubles seem fleeting any comparison. It is only against the backdrop of a glorious eternight that my circumstances can be seen in such a manner; and the promise of this glorious eternity is part and parcel to the gospel itself." A Gospel Primer- Milton Vincent

I have come to this place in my life
I'm full but I've not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
And I can feel it my heart is convinced
I'm thirsty my soul can't be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to

I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Then You crash over me and I've lost control but I'm free
I'm going under, I'm in over my head
Then you crash over me, and that's where You want me to be
I'm going under, I'm in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head
I'm Beautifully in over my head
I'm Beautifully in over my head

-Bethel Music