Press on

I'm sure I'm not the only one that is looking ahead feeling a weight on my shoulders, thankful to close a chapter but the fear of what's ahead is overwhelming. I fight that everyday and I choose to trust and allow God to carry my weight and burdens. That is the only thing that helps me.  I know the new year will be filled with great victories and blessings, this past year was.  I know too that it's another year forward in this new life journey I am on and I'm still a work in progress. The unknown is so hard, some days I just want a peak into the future... but that's not faith. So I rest in trusting HE knows and I don't need to.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

Every time I sit down to share about my life I feel hesitant. It ends with me truly knowing that God gave me this story to share and not to keep for myself. I know there are ones with much deeper, and ones who cannot relate. In the midst of that I feel compelled to open up, not so that you can see into my deep wounds but so that you can see how Jesus is healing them. We are all on this path, everyones looks different but the end story is the same. 

In the weeks ahead I have several doctors appointments, labs (which went awry last time), and all the big scans to check my status. I'd like to say that I'm not nervous or anxious, but the closer they all come the more this arises. I have this cancer where new things are watched carefully and constantly and old things are too. I, like many survivors, have life long complications that result in facing the "new journey" every day. This the where I ride the fine line of thankful, emotional, and fearful. One where I put the past behind me and look only forward, yet am remarkable changed my the past so it can't be ignored.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 8:12-14).

I don't know how anyone can focus or move on without Hope and trusting God's plan is better. I would fall apart over and over again everyday if I wasn't holding onto this. As I step into this new year, I have no agenda, no resolutions, just to follow where He leads me and to be open to it. I'm not saying that is the best way to cope, but that how it works for me right now.  It took much to get to this point. His plans are better and my everyday better when I'm the passenger and He's the driver. I spent too many new years taking the wheel and getting lost over and over again.
So here I am looking forward with:

HOPE
TRUST
FAITH
ASSURANCE
DEEP LOVE

2017 you are here. I didn't know If I would be but I am too. I know whatever comes, blessings will abound. Here I am waiting to see how my life will be used for HIS glory in the days ahead. Friends yours will be too, look for it and you will see. Get grounded now. Let God take the wheel now. MORE of you, LESS of me. "Jesus you have won me." I need you. Your redemption is bigger than my broken. My fear, overwhelming thoughts, and tired soul is washed away by your blood and grace. What you do now with me is all yours. So on my knees I pray, take my life and let it be in this coming year.. yours

"So don't look back on the past and assume it was perfect. It wasn't. Mine wasn't perfect either. This new road that I am on, bumpy and twisty as is may be, is the path God has chosen for me. It is the best road. The only one worth taking. If I keep looking back on the old way longingly, focusing on what I've lost rather than on what I have, I will miss the rewards of the new path. I need to open my eyes. Notice what's around me. Remember that God goes before me. I need not fear for he knows what is up ahead." Vaneetha Rendall Risner

"I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

  I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

and I do not forsake them."

Isaiah 42:16

There is a powerful scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Indiana navigates a series of “tests” in his quest for the Holy Grail. Along the way, his path dead-ends at a chasm that is too wide and deep to cross. He stares at the sheer drop, then opens his map for a clue: a “leap of faith.” Despite his fear, Indiana raises one foot, closes his eyes, and falls forward into the gulf. Suddenly, his foot hits solid ground. He opens his eyes, looks up, and realizes a path has appeared before him.

For many of us, calling is like that. It doesn’t make any sense, and it might even seem crazy. Even so, God is asking you to pick up one foot and take a step forward. Follow the God who makes a way where there is no way. He will put ground beneath your feet, and make your path straight. It might not be practical, but neither is our God." -Sharon Hodde Miller