When it "gets to your heart"

We all have it.
A single event or thing that is a reminder.
This time of year.
It's so hard for SO many.
For me it brings emotions of thanks and reality, of HOPE in the hard.
There are things now, that just get to my heart.
I see something.
I see someone.
I hear a song.
I embrace a friend.

I wasn't this emotional before, or my heart just did not feel the same. Some things just pierce my heart and my emotions.

Again putting up the tree this year was emotional. Will it be every year? Some days I want a make sense of the heart ache and emotion, but I know there is a softening there that I am thankful for. I plead with God as I hang ornaments that my family would never have to hang these memories on the tree without me... At the same time I know families this year that are doing just that for the first time, and I'm broken for them, because my tears feel theirs.
An ornament of "JOY" means so much more every year.
Another year of true joy.
Another year of real HOPE.
Another year celebrating life, more than I ever knew before. Not just my life, but the whole birth of Christ and what that means for me. Why my whole life is a celebration of HIM. It's not just some event to celebrate, it's my life changed in a single event planned long before time. That just means something different to me now.



"Nevertheless, that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever...The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine...For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9

"Things really are this bad, and we can't heal or save ourselves. Things really are this dark-nevertheless, there is HOPE. The Christmas message is that "on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned." Notice it doesn't say from the world a light has sprung, but upon the world a light has dawned. It has come from outside. There is light outside of this world and Jesus brought that light save us, indeed, HE is the LIGHT. (John 8:12) 
...The promise of Christmas cannot be discerned unless you first admit your cannot save yourself or even know yourself without the light of his unmerited grace in your life." 
-Hidden Christmas: The surprising Truth behind the Birth of Christ, Tim Keller


Yesterday was our annual Christmas Party dinner at Hope Lodge for Radiant Hope. We had planned a few moths ahead and honestly it's one of my favorite days of the year.  We had food cooked and a team to go serve. But sometimes our plans are not HIS.

A friend showed up for lunch and we talked about her beautiful mother in law that just met Jesus this past weekend. We spoke about those things that just "get to our heart", the Spode dishes that will be this for her every year. We all have these tangible things that remind us of hard and beautiful in our life. It seems this season there are SO many.

As we spoke I got the call, we weren't needed at the lodge anymore. Our plans change, but we remain HOPEFUL because sitting right at my counter was the one who needed it more. I didn't even see it at first: Food for plenty already prepared, her Dad fighting cancer with treatment this week, and her family she still has to feed in the midst of all the hard. Perhaps this was HIS plan all along. Our disappointments become his victories. Our circumstances change but HE remains. It was his plan all along. Only a surprise to us. So she loaded it up, and it was perfect. HIS perfect timing.

I heard later that my friend who was going to HOPE lodge with us was were praying that God would make it apparent who we could pass the food too. While she was praying, you know what, God knew the food was going to the woman who was sitting right in my kitchen.

If I'm honest I still wonder sometimes why this whole life is my own. How a few years ago it felt like everything was completely unraveling. Why is this path is the one He's given me...Why I'm headed to the cancer clinic right in the middle of this month where I want to be all happy and everything...Why the constant pain... BUT I must STOP,  I wake up today after a day like yesterday and I say, YOU GOD, You DO NOT make mistakes. Everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen is all for your purpose and your glory. The story goes on, and he's writing it for you and for me.

Yesterday was part of his plan and today will be too. So my HOPE is not for anything to make sense but for my heart to trust HIS plan is greater and HIS view is bigger.