That time again since you've been asking...

Over the past week I have had many ask when my appointments are, so this is my update and prayer request. 

It's that time again to check on the status of this Cancer thing. I am feeling at peace but like always I am just ready to know my status. After some changes with my naturopathic doctors and my episode getting labs at the hospital this fall I have not had labs since October. This is the longest so far in this journey that I don't have an update based upon blood work. 3 Months seems like forever. So maybe there is a little anxiety walking into these appointments this week because I feel a little in the dark with my numbers and trends than usual. I am feeling good though and that has to mean something. 

Will you pray for us friends? My anxiety is a little higher the week before the big long days at Penn. I had appointments at Hershey this week to see my Dermatologist about a Mole on my face. There wasn't a single spot in the parking lot of the cancer clinic, people were lined up out the door to sign in, the wait was long and I watched name after name being called back to see their oncologist. I was the youngest by 20 years and felt out of place, yet I wasn't. As I got into the car I broke down and realized the magnitude of fear that I am holding onto still, and fighting everyday. I desperately don't want that to be my life again. Who would?  I think a breakdown every now and again is ok?

Otherwise though I am sleeping fine and going about mom life. All around me things maybe seem just a little more tense. Rose has major anxiety stemming from what we assume is scanxiety too, and  probably a few other things. Kev is holding the weight of the world on his shoulders with work and taking care of us. We are ready for good news, or whatever news God has for us next. We are ready to move past these big appointments and days of holding our breath. Ready to see what God has for us in 2017. 

If some of you are catching on here later than others here is a small snippet of Melanoma information:

With the stage 3b melanoma that I have been diagnosed with there is what we think of as a 50/50 chance of walking out of these appointments with evidence of cancer again. Statistically it's actually more than 50 but I feel better to say it's like..flipping a coin. Could go either way. My doctor is so optimistic and encouraged. I am cautiously optimistic. Those of you who know melanoma get this very strange and monster of a mysterious cancer that it can be. Especially once it has already metastasized like mine there is really no telling the future. That, without too much detail, is a snapshot of why we run high on a some scan stress the weeks leading up to these appointments. We assume, pray, and hope for all the best news, but we just never know. We do trust that God knows though, and that the path ahead of us, whatever it is will bring him all the Glory he's due.  Even when it means days of sitting in scan machines and talking to oncologists with an unknown future. Hold me to my words friends. 

I trust that God will be victorious in my health once again. Victory isn't always in the form of healing so I need to be aware of that too. I talk to people walking this walk everyday, and he will have victory in you too. I want to shout from the mountain tops of all God has done in my life, but I am sensitive to you my friend who is struggling and wanting to know if you will ever see the view from the top.

He seems to know what He's doing here, in all of this life I'm living. So I think its best to just keep trusting him. With that comes a surreal sense of peace. Of course we pray for what we think is best, while also surrendering that he already knows what we need before we do. 

Thanks Friends. We wouldn't survive this life without you. My all day at Penn with labs and scans is Tuesday the 24th. Hoping and praying to remain No Evidence of Metastatic Disease!

As hard and humbling as it is to be the one who needs the prayers. I am reminded that in my weakness HE is strong. Feeling and being the recipient of your prayers is powerful.

"Real strength is not pretending we are fine and keeping God and others at a safe distance. Real strength is letting others into our brokenness. Real strength is confessing we need God's rescue over and over and over agin." -Ann Voscamp