Thankful for my big girl....

As we headed to school last week the sky was painted purple. My firstborn's favorite color. As we prayed and thanked God for her on her birthday we called out and named the beautiful things he has made. Like her, and a sky painted purple for her birthday.

I cannot believe she's 11. I've been a mom for a decade plus one year (Some days it seems like a century).  I'm beyond thankful. It feels like more than just a season to me now. At one point in my life I wasn't sure I would ever see my babies reach double digit milestones and now here I am. In awe. Literally there are moments in everyday I pause in awe. I do still have worry worry about how my story has impacted her short life so far. She meets with the counselor and shares how the thing that she worries about most is if her mommy will always be here. We are all working through some PTSD.  I see God's grace and how he is meeting each of us everyday. My big 11 year old has had a rough season, growing up is hard stuff. She decorated her room one night and I walked in to this... and then all my fear and worry about how this has impacted her goes away because I see God holding on to her heart.. and I pray and pray that forever this story of ours will have changed not only me but all of us for only HIS glory.

There is no purpose in fear.

"There is no good result from engaging the world as an afraid person." Trent Thompson

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears."

Psalm 34:4

Every time I start to go there I am awe-inspired by the little things and the little ways that he is so good, so faithful, and shows us his sovereignty. When you have that moment where fear creeps in, maybe a little anxiety... Look for the way he's carrying you. If you don't look you will miss it. He has my little people, they are here for his purpose too. I need those moments so that I am forced to look back to him and trust him to carry my messed up, fear-filled, tender soul.

Beautiful Rose today I'm thankful for YOU, For pushing me closer to him when you remind me where we are and the reality of his promises in our life, I hope you always know and completely trust that God made you perfectly for "such a time as this" to enter into his kingdom and make an everlasting difference in the hearts of those he has put in your life. You beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder and your life in his hands. I know he has great things written for your life and I pray everyday that he will always be making and molding you to be more like him. I pray the story he has already given you will continue to soften your heart for the hurting and that He will be able to use you to lift up and encourage others. I have already seen how perfectly he has made your heart to love deeply, even me.
I love you. -Mommy

I just felt like today I needed to share this. In the darkest days he is with us, and in the morning when we wake up speechless with a thankful heart he is the one who is carrying us then too. This life it's not easy, but I was reminded this week in the sermon at church again, that it is not meant to be.  Suffering, hardship, and persecution is coming our way... BUT our God is bigger and greater than anything on this earth and NOTHING will be able to separate us from him. If you wonder how your story is working in those around you, just pray for ways to see more clear. Then ask God to use you to impact others for him.  If you wonder how much to tell your kids and how to teach them about this hard life my advice is to be open wide and watch the ways God works in their heart when we do less protecting and more preparing. I'm watching him working in my kids lives, and he's used my story to impact them. The questions, the conversation, I'm learning so much through my little people everyday. There are several things that still melt me to tears, one of them is being able to parent. I feel sooo unqualified, especially with my own extra baggage I've added to this family. Mom life is such a gift.