Another Day

Then you wake up and your life is right back to where you left off. 

Like the day before never even happened.

I will not let this take shape.

I have to dwell in his abundant grace over my life. 

So many answered prayers. 

Friends see it, If you prayed... He answered. 

This is all the most complex part of walking this journey. Some days are just surreal. 

Yesterday we got such great news. There is no other way to say it, my life is a miracle. My oncologist is so well pleased. She said we "went after it as aggressively as we could have". I told her Dr. S, It's not coming back. She smiled and said, "It's not coming back". She added, "Whatever you are doing keep doing it, it is working." 

I'm not going to see her until October you guys... I never thought this spacing out would start to take shape. We still have to work through all that is good for me while being vigilant, but she's so on top of it. My cancer journey is part of me but fading in the past. It's forever changed me. It's who I am today. It's never going away but it's taking a new shape in my life. It's not all encompassing but instead eye-opening. I see so clearly that God chose this for me because if I would not have walked this path I would never be able to sit at his feet where I am today. Hang on in the hard friends... there is HOPE. He is doing something. 

Jesus replied,

"You don't understand now what I am doing,

but someday you will." 

John 13:7

I just cannot explain the scan days, but if you have them as part of your life then you know then. You know the fear that I fight. You know the breath that I hold. You know the sights that I see. You know the relief that I feel. You have had the bad news that I have. 

I messaged my doc a few days earlier to ask if I could wake up and drink coffee, as long as it was 4 hours before my scans she said I could. So I woke up yesterday at 5, to drink that darn coffee that I would need to get through the day.

What if my dependance of God was as necessary as my dependance on this coffee?

So this morning I woke up and I'm drinking hot water while thanking God for sustaining my life another day. I want Jesus more than my coffee, and more than this life. 

As I rose yesterday, "today is the day you have made" was in the forefront of my mind as I brushed my teeth. I went down to get my much desired coffee and went to seek God's words on this hard day. Naturally I was going to 2 corinthians since it's my place, but I felt this urge that said nope… open up in Phillipians....

So I flipped right to it, landing on phil. 4. And HOPE was written all over the pages. 

A friend text me on the way to school. The morning was chaotic. Getting four kids all settled in the happenings of who will be where and when and how for the day is no joke. 

My dear friend said she was praying psalm 23 over me and for PEACE for the day… So again I saw it. PEACE

Then the girls started fighting in the backseat on the way to school. Fighting over a journal that one of them had that belonged to the other. I broke up the maddness by taking the journal away and telling them I would keep it since they couldn't agree and we would work it out later that evening. 

As we pulled away I started flipping through it and wouldn't you know... Right there in plain little girl handwriting was what I had read over that morning. 

You guys you CANNOT make up this life I am living...

He is so good to us. He calls us by name and he graciously shows himself to us when our souls do not deserve it. He is pulling you in from every lonely corner you are sitting in. When it doesn't feel like it, start looking harder, and learning more about who God says he is to you. 

I am the way, and the truth, and the life...

God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him...

God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you...

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand...

For I the Lord do not change...

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all...

who is and who was and who is to come...

The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made...

his steadfast love endures forever...

over all and through all and in all...

he cares for you..

What a day. A day in the life. We all have them. Turning the hard things into the God things. Seeing past our circumstances and reality to looking for where he has placed us. Asking constantly what he wants from us there. I've been in the good news seat. I've been in the bad news seat. God was there in both just the same. Praying today that if there is nothing in you today... you feel loved by a God who remains the same when every seat we sit changes. 

Thank you for your prayers. For the rest of my days I will remind those of you who have graciously prayed over my life and my family that God does hear. I will encourage you to see all the tangible and real ways he is doing what our hearts ask and more than we can imagine. Your lifting up my name to him has given that to me. I want you to see it. Not because the walls aren't crumbling all around you, but because he is there, listening and loving in al his patience ways. I cannot tell you why and how he shows us somethings and not others, but I can promise that he hears us. 

"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." Jeremiah 33

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"The bible insists that JOY is more than a feeling; it's an action. We don't just sense JOY; we embody it by how we respond to the circumstances before us. What is the genesis of this JOY? I believe that, at it's core, joy emanates from the abiding sense of God's fierce love for us. The tigerish love of God from which joy comes is foundational to faith. God's love guards us, protects us, grows us, strengthens us, and compels us to walk in greater trust and holiness. This is no passive affection, but feisty, fiery pledge to grow us into the fullness of Christ. When we embrace this love and cultivate an awareness of it, our hearts are filled with JOY.... 
When we fight back with JOY, we no longer size the character of God according to our circumstances, but we size our circumstances according to the character of God and his great affection for us" Margaret Feinberg, Fight Back With Joy