Thankful in big and small things

NED!!!

(Before you read this please understand I am on some, ok a lot of pain medication, and it has not been proofread or spellchecked or edited by a real writer)...

My doctor called this afternoon to tell us the great news! The pathology from all the lymph nodes, tissue, etc showed no sign of disease. Praise the Lord! He heard your prayers He answered what we needed so desperately and He gave us what we desired. I am so thankful for today and for every little and BIG thing in this life that I have been given. 

I was not afraid of what was to come next, I am at a place right now with more peace than I've ever felt before. It's kind of amazing really to say that I'm a little less scared everyday. Today though I have a sense of some relief, this is the best case prognosis for me, these are the results we longed for and prayed for. It's a true answer to everyone's prayers, this whole thing is a miracle really. One little mole that had cancer, that turned into a tumor that metastasized into my lymph system but was by some test called the SNLB detected early and to the smallest metastis possible was found and removed. Then all the other lymph was removed and at this point the Cancer is not there, no evidence of it. It's a miracle there's no other way of looking at it. 

From here on now we still need prayer as we see the oncologist and talk about treatment options and life plans for me. Pray for WISDOM for the doctors to know how to manage my Cancer and keep it NED for the rest of my days. I think I've said before about melanoma being a scary monster and that it never goes into remission or cure, and it's always with me. Hi, my name is Joanna, I have melanoma. That's just the way this cancer is. But it won't define me, it won't change the way I think or the way I praise my God, cancer is only a part of who I am now but I won't let it become my idol of fear or overwhelm my thoughts. I can't, I've got life to live and a husband and kids to love.  For the rest of my life I have cancer and I have Christ and for every moment I start fearing cancer I will cling to Christ and we will walk through and live this life he has more than blessed me with.

So tonight I am thankful for this journey because a month ago I was not who I am right now. I knew half of who Christ could be to me, and I have learned more of who is he and how to depend on him more than I ever knew was possible. He has blessed me and covered me with his love. God has used my cancer story huge in even its first 6 weeks. So maybe I do have a very small smile of gratitude for my cancer so far. I have learned the beauty of tears and emotions, I have felt the love and support of community and church, I have been sorrounded by those who love me, I have a completely new understanding of what matters in life and how to embrace that in my everyday, I have an overcoming compassion for everyone and their stuff because everyone has stuff, I feel hopeful of what is to come next and thankful for what it really means to know who Jesus is. This is the real thing friends, not just for when life sucks and days are really hard, because I'd be lying if I said any of this has been easy. There is strength in his love, in his grace, and in his nearness that we would never never never experience if we just kept moving along as fast as we do. But this cancer stopped me, jolted me, and crushed me and into his arms I ran and found more rest and peace than I ever knew was out there, and it's not just meant for me. It's meant for everyone of us in what tomorrow holds for us, dont waste another day waiting for it. A phone call could change your life tomorrow but as long as you are holding onto Christ you won't ever be alone through it. There is life ahead and this is just the beginning of my new walk with Christ, my story of how God stopped me in my tracks, crumbled the ground beneath me, picked me up and carried me through. It's not going to stop tomorrow or in 10 years, but it's going to be some something because he wrote this story I'm just committed to living it. 

A few other things from over the past 5 days that I can't go without mentioning how thankful I am for... As hard as these last   few days have been I have to note all the ways that I have been blessed and taken care of...

Jeff sitting with Kev in recovery for hours and them talking about nonsense.I could hear Kev's voice constantly as I was asleep and in and out of waking up and that was so comforting to me. 

Amazing nurses who were able to manage the amount of meds I needed and were constantly changing. My recovery nurse the whole day was so amazing, helped me do everything, cleaned me, fed me, gave me meds every hour or less in a constant changing schedule. Nurses you are angels on earth. 

Mom and dad keeping the kids so entertained and busy and loved left me without one sec of worry for my kids or if anyone needed me. 

Heather was at the hospotal with Kev and I most friday snd Saturday helping me and Kev. It took moments of nurses, Kev, and Heather all being able to move me, help me go to the bathroom, manage drugs and pain, help me get comfortable, and just give me love and comfort. She brought us food, allowed Kev to get a few min break to go walk around and feed himself, and then she left the hospital and went to get my kids so that my parents could be with us too.

For my siblings and best friends, Tara, that carry my burdens with them. For loving me and being worried and praying and being selfless. I know you are there, have been and will be. 

For my amazing team of surgeons who did a great job in surgery, and we found out later the head surgeon of skin oncology was also with my surgeon in the surgery along with a team of prob 10 doctors and residents. My doc kept close watch of me, worked constantly with her team to check on me and change my meds constantly to keep me as comfortable as they could. And yes in a way through this so far she's saved my life and given me more days to kive by ridding my body of the cancer.

Hershey overall was great, I was comfortable there and everyone was close to amazing who watched out for us and took care of me. There have been more than I can count of people over the last few weeks since my life has changed to being a cancer patient that have stepped up selflessly showing true Jesus love to me. That's what gets me through everyday. It's the cards, the gifts, the voicemail calls, the hugs, meals, stuff for the kids, and Texts. 

Most importantly and tears flow as I write this one... My Kev, my babes, my best friend. That whole in sickness and in health part of your vows, well he lived that to me over the past few weeks but ESP over these past 5 days. He has not left my side, he's held my hand, and is my biggest caretaker. He writes everything down, he is on top of every medicine regimen and when I need each thing. He sets his alarm for every time I need every pill. He helped me go to the bathroom every hour, held my bedpan, cleaned me, help cold cloths on my forehead when I was puking, all while offering kisses and hugs. He told me more than once he loved me more in these moments than he ever did before, he was and still is a true servant to me, loving me and being Jesus to me every moment of these last few days. When stuff gets real you never know how you will support each other, ill never be able to say enough about how much Kev stepped up. I love him. 

(from Bible.org)

But what exactly is servanthood? Servanthood is the state, condition, or quality of one who lives as a servant. Further, a servant is first of all one who is under submission to another. For Christians, this means submission to God first, and then submission to one another. Then, as one in submission, a servant is one who seeks to meet the real needs of others or of the person he is serving. To put it another way, servanthood is the condition or state of being a servant to others, of ministry to others rather than the service of self. It means willingly giving of oneself to minister for and to others and to do whatever it takes to accomplish what is best for another.

life of Jesus Christ, the quality of unselfish servanthood. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45) The apostle Paul added to this focus when he wrote, “Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but the interests of others as well” (Phil. 1:4). But then pointing to the Savior as our great example, he quickly added, “You should have the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had.” Paul then followed this exhortation with a strong reminder of the humiliation of Christ (Phil. 2:6ff) who, though being God of very God, emptied himself by taking the form of a slave. There is no question that if we as Christians are going to grow and mature into Christ-like character, we must experience progress in giving of ourselves in ministry to and for others. While we can and should find comfort and encouragement in Christ (Phil. 2:1), when properly grasped, that comfort should propel us into servants of the Savior and one another. Servant living stands opposed to the primary concerns we see today where the focus of our culture and society is more on our own personal happiness and comfort.