Reminiscing

Today was a special day, for us all. My littles darted out of bed to do this day. It was our Children's choir program at church. This day carries with it so much remembrance, so much joy, so many memories, and some uncontrolled emotions.

A year ago I sobbed as I sat and watched my big girl sing songs and worship our God. I thought for sure that would be the last performance I ever saw. I wasn't even sure I would be there that time last year to watch her after being in and out of the hospital and barely out of bed. As the day Arrived I felt good though, I remember it. I had enough energy to get there and even enough to enjoy every second.

"For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."

Psalm 100:5

Last year a friend hugged me as I sobbed. She told me of her cancer 10 years prior, and how seeing me brought back emotions for her. She was standing there crying with me and that glimpse of hope got me through that day. I won't ever forget it. She did this life, God will get me through too. As she hugged me again today she reminded me of how her prayer for me would always be that I would sit in the front row watching my babies. Here I am friends. By the GRACE of God. He is so good. I don't think anymore about next year or the years after that, but I do today.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

I woke up to a text from one of my bests. I read it at 5 am when I was up and couldn't sleep anymore.

The best thing is that I sat right in front of her today. And listened to her little miracle girl singing in my ear, and listened to her Dad laugh who has been so sick and has gone through so much the past few months. See friends, God is so good. That was the HOPE I needed for today.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Today we were surrounded with friends, family, the girls teachers (who are the best best best), neighbors, and our whole church. I soaked it all in, how thankful I am, how throughout this past year how many more moments have I received with my babies than I ever thought I would have, and what a gift this all is. Our Annapolis family all drove up to be with us for the whole day. My kids are loved, that gives me the HOPE I needed for today. God is so good.

A friend lost her Grandfather right in the middle of the program this am. God connected us, and me to her family, in his own unique way. Again using cancer and really hard circumstances, to bring relationship and community to go through life together. I was right there, to hug her, to cry with her. Coincidence? No. She was sitting across the way and I saw the tears, and I knew. God is love.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12

God puts us in our places at certain times for certain things. From now on and for forever the kids christmas musical will always mark a time and part of my life that was so hard but with so much hope. Hope, no coincidence at this time of year. Hope for not only me, but for the whole world to have. This little gift all wrapped up in human form, sent by the most gracious and loving father, to be a living sacrifice and change the world. This story, all of it, has changed mine. The hope I have that I will be in a forever paradise with my king, the hope I have in him loving me regardless of my mistakes, and the hope I have that he will see me through what looks to me like impossible will not ever allow me to drown.

Love has come

For the world to know

As the wise men knew

Such a long time ago

And I believe that angels sang

That hope had begun

When the god of glory

Who is full of mercy

Sent his son

"Love has come" Amy Grant

Part of me longs for the lack of chaos and to do that we participated in that year "mom had cancer". I will always cherish parts of the story because there were days of bliss even in impossible. These next 2 weeks are busy, with good, fun things. But also with labs to be taken, doctors appointments, and dealing with complications of this life I now live. Bittersweet yes, but I am thankful.... I'm here. The alternative to not being here is dealing with some of these things we will carry with us for awhile. And so we choose Joy we will move on.

Today was a gift. It's not just a little thing to see all the ways your kids can minister to you, and to others. God uses us all for his perfect plan and to spread his love in his kingdom, it is a blessing to be able to witness my little people doing exactly this.



"Christmas doesn’t make sense in a world where everyone’s happy or everything’s perfect. Christmas is about God stepping into the chaos, into the mess, and doing something about it. The message of Christmas is that God has acted decisively in his Son, Jesus Christ, to rescue a broken, rebellious people and redeem his fallen world.When we celebrate Christmas each year, we remind ourselves afresh of the hope we have in Christ—not a thin, wishful thinking that dissipates every time we try to grasp it, but a firm, substantial confidence that we can wrap our arms around. A hope that reminds us that God is not done with us, nor with the broken world around us.
But Christmas also reminds us that this hope is often found in unexpected places, and if we don’t listen carefully to the story behind the Christmas story—the story of ancient Israel and God’s promise to rescue a people and redeem his fallen world through their coming King—we might just miss it. For God does not redeem this world by rescuing us out of it and taking the pain away, but by putting on flesh, entering into the world, and taking humanity’s pain, sorrow, and rebellion upon himself."  Brandon Levering