Day 7: HOPE. Happy Cancerversary to me.
7. Hope.
Wow 1 year. Where has time gone! I feel like it's flown by and at the same time feel like this past year has been an eternity. I can't believe its been a year. I'm having a difficult week, for a ton of reasons, but this celebration is one of them... should this be a celebration? I guess so, yes. Having hope and trying to process through life now is a daily disciple for me. Today as I try not to be too emotional, and also try to celebrate 1 year in my cancer journey, I want to always be able to say no matter the circumstances I will always clearly see HOPE, or at least try my best. It's a hard thing to tackle, some days more difficult to see hope than others. When the word cancer came, I felt hopeless. I couldn't see my kids dancing, I struggled to kiss them goodnight at bed without floods of emotions. I saw my life’s end, that being a possibility, experiencing that pain and reality that entered my life overnight. I had no clue what I was facing, I didn't know how to look ahead. All of the sudden there was no guarantee on how much life was left or what it would look like. I was scared, I was emotional, I was everything but hopeful. Over the days, weeks, and months, I started to see being hopeful in a new way. Someone told me in finding hope, that the definition is having joyful and confident expectation. Hope suddenly was a way of looking at life ahead. To expect to see Jesus and good and to ultimately at the end of life see heaven instead of Death. This has become a theme for me, a hard one, but a beautiful one. Hope is what I need to be able to grasp this life and move on from this place where I am now. Without it I would live stagnant and afraid.
"Hope is not in the absence of suffering and comfort returned. My hope is in the presence of the One who promises never to leave or forsake, the One who declares nothing "will be able to separate us from the love of God" (Rom. 8:38). Nothing." Kara Tippets.
So here I am in a battle of always being hopeful, always seeing God's plan as good, always praying I can be used for every bit of life I have here, and always choosing to be Joyful in Hope. So this is what I take with me everyday as I move forward from here. Pushing forward with expectant hope. With scans in a few weeks, school starting, oncologist appointments, and soccer games, life gets busy and goes on. Anxiety can overtake or I can focus on hope, and suddenly surface to living a life full of a calling beyond myself. I can do this. Today I'm overwhelmed and as I reflect on what this year has brought. As I looked through pictures there were 5 times as many of all the good times as the scary and bad. I don't wish a life of cancer on anyone, but a life with Christ I wish to every sole I know. A years time has made a world of difference for me friends. Who knows what the next chapter will be. This life is nothing we should fear, but its something we can perhaps not take for granted. How are we preparing for what God has planned? If your story takes a sharp, life altering, trajectory turn tomorrow, would you be able to trust his goodness, see hope? Expecting all things to work together for his good, not what my idea of good would have been. This past year was nothing I could have every imagined to live through, but God sustained and provided hope in the darkest days. So tomorrow when I wake up again, as a survivor, and a wife and a mom, and friend I will have 1 year of a cancer diagnosis behind and I will be pushing toward what lies ahead. Thank you for all of your support. I wouldn't be anything of who I am right now, if you weren't praying and supporting the way you all have.
"Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven. This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you. I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand. But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me. Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road. You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven. When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant. I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven." -Jesus Calling
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
"Hope is not in the absence of suffering and comfort returned. My hope is in the presence of the One who promises never to leave or forsake, the One who declares nothing "will be able to separate us from the love of God" (Rom. 8:38). Nothing." Kara Tippets.
So here I am in a battle of always being hopeful, always seeing God's plan as good, always praying I can be used for every bit of life I have here, and always choosing to be Joyful in Hope. So this is what I take with me everyday as I move forward from here. Pushing forward with expectant hope. With scans in a few weeks, school starting, oncologist appointments, and soccer games, life gets busy and goes on. Anxiety can overtake or I can focus on hope, and suddenly surface to living a life full of a calling beyond myself. I can do this. Today I'm overwhelmed and as I reflect on what this year has brought. As I looked through pictures there were 5 times as many of all the good times as the scary and bad. I don't wish a life of cancer on anyone, but a life with Christ I wish to every sole I know. A years time has made a world of difference for me friends. Who knows what the next chapter will be. This life is nothing we should fear, but its something we can perhaps not take for granted. How are we preparing for what God has planned? If your story takes a sharp, life altering, trajectory turn tomorrow, would you be able to trust his goodness, see hope? Expecting all things to work together for his good, not what my idea of good would have been. This past year was nothing I could have every imagined to live through, but God sustained and provided hope in the darkest days. So tomorrow when I wake up again, as a survivor, and a wife and a mom, and friend I will have 1 year of a cancer diagnosis behind and I will be pushing toward what lies ahead. Thank you for all of your support. I wouldn't be anything of who I am right now, if you weren't praying and supporting the way you all have.
"Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven. This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you. I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand. But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me. Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road. You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven. When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant. I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven." -Jesus Calling
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12
Pictures of good times over the past year. There were so so many. Seeing and reflecting on these times, in the middle of impossible days, brings HOPE to my life. I am blessed. I have been well cared for and supported. I am grateful for this journey and all that it has brought into our lives. I will fight everyday to be hopeful, thankful, joyful, graceful, and submit to God's plan not mine.
"The best is yet to come...." Said someone very wise
Pictures of good times over the past year. There were so so many. Seeing and reflecting on these times, in the middle of impossible days, brings HOPE to my life. I am blessed. I have been well cared for and supported. I am grateful for this journey and all that it has brought into our lives. I will fight everyday to be hopeful, thankful, joyful, graceful, and submit to God's plan not mine.
"The best is yet to come...." Said someone very wise
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