Drain is out!!

After a couple days of increased swelling and still very little output in the drain my surgeon wanted to see me today. It was like getting ready for a weeks vacation the energy it took me to get out of bed, put some semi-clothes on, get in the car, and walk into the huge hospital. I'm tired. My super surgeon, I feel like I should call her that from now on, she's a hero to me, was pleased to see how well I was doing. She asked us a lot of update questions, told me I was doing great, and said "let's get that out of you!" She got busy taking off the dressing and the stitches out, and then told me to hold Kev's hand while she pulled the drain out. I told her I hoped I wouldn't puke she just said you can puke just not on me.

After the drain comes out there is a teeny hole left where fluid will continue to come out until the hole heals from the inside out. How weird is that? So weird to me. There will be continued swelling some days more than others, it is one of the biggest complications from this type of permanent invasive surgery. I was given a script for compression leggings, some that are for both legs like stockings, and some that are a little over the knee height. As the swelling decreases there are different levels of comoression to help with the swelling. Some people wear these for months, some years, and some a lot longer. I'm not concerned now with anything past tomorrow. I'm thankful that there are things to help with circulation and swelling, and I'm thankful we are headed into winter where I'll go back into my leggings and uggs attire where the stockings will be fine. She told me to lay low for another week still, rest and elevate my leg as much as I can. I will see her again next Tuesday so she can check my drain site, swelling, and incision.

Everyone wants to know how I'm doing. I think I'm doing ok. I try not to think about tomorrow or what is to come, I'm trying my best to be thankful for all the little things right now. I've made little improvements everyday and I'm more able everyday to give my babies more hugs and be around them a little more. Emotionally I'm still a wreck at times. In about 7 weeks time I've had a cancer diagnosis, 2 major surgeries, and over 4 weeks of bed rest. If you know my regular self it has been quite different than the chaos, evergy, and stamina I'm used to. I'm very much what my mom and I have talked about in some mourning. It's like the day you wake up and you realize that what you thought your life looked like isn't what it really is. Ha how silly of a concept really. But in reality, silly or not, I'm sad. It's shock too to some degree, or being blindsided whatver you want to call it all. I do have hope though, that God will turn my days into seeing great Joy, and that my faith will hold me higher with purpose and hope for life and living than it ever did before. I'll get there, I have those moments. I'm still in pain and uncomfortable too, my surgeon encouraged me today that this is very normal and I'm doing just great. 

I have this great book,  Hearing Jesus speak into your sorrow, by Nancy Guthrie that I am finding much comfort through reading. It's taking those favorite verses that have given me such deep security and giving them deeper meaning. Last night I read this :

.. " (2 Corinthians 12:9) My grace is all you need...I will be enough for you. I will fill up your emptiness. Jesus is telling us that when we repeatedly pray for relief from the pain in our lives that does not come- that he will be enough for us in whatever sorrow we are under. He will strengthen us for it. We can be confident that his grace will be delivered to us in the form and quantity and timing in which we need it. He will give us the grace to endure the pain he does not take away. When Jesus says that his grace is sufficient he's not talking only about the grace that extends pardon for what we've done in the past. He's talking about the grace that is present power. This grace Jesus gives us is the power to go on when we think we can't make it one more day. It is the power to believe when doubts and questions are crowding into our conscious thoughts. Grace gives us what we need to take hold of God's word and rest in it amid the voices around us inside and out that tell us he can't be trusted... (My power work best in weakness) ... Only when we are empties of ourselves- our resources, our efficiency, our impressive abilities, can we experience this... My grace is enough he says, for today and for everything you will face in the days to come. It will be enough- I will be enough- for whatever I allow into your life." 

The kids are doing well. Bama is an angel on earth can't really say anything less than that. They are beyond being loved on and taken care of. Meals are pouring in and that is a huge blessing. I'm able to rest, mom is able to manage all the kids, and Kev is able to go to work. Thank you everyone who is stepping up to help us out. 

 This past weekend my sister, Charley, drive down from VT to see me. That was super special. Lesley was here a couple weeks ago too. Saturday I was feeling a little better and able to get out of bed some and spend more time with the kids and my dad before he left. It was a good weekend. We (Kev and I) hit a bit of a wall of exhaustion. Like Heather said , it's for Kev like he had a newborn. It's all adrenaline in the hopital and you step up huge to get them home and comfortable, but yea after about 5 days of complete exhaustion your body loses that adrenaline rush and you realize how tired you really are. Again this is where we have been over the top blessed with help to fill in where we don't have the energy. It was so hard to say goodbye to Dad and Chuck, distance has always been such a hard thing for all my family. Now when I say goodbye there is just something harder about goodbye. Maybe it's because this whole new story I'm  living has given me such deeper longing to be with everyone I love. Maybe it's because no matter what your cancer story is you think about the end and goodbye and how you aren't ever really ready for that and then in those thoughts I just stop my brain and go right to being so over the top thankful for what is right in front of me, and I don't want that to end, for the kids to grow up, for the good times to ever end, does that make sense? I've never liked change (ironic huh?) and with that I hate saying goodbye. A few pics of a laid back weekend.