Thankful

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I sit here right now trying to think of some great thing to write or a way to express the emotions of this day, but I am worn and tired.

I am SO thankful for the good news of the day. My doctor opened the door and said, "I have good news." I started to cry, this is the first good news that we have had so we are thankful. The scans showed No Evidence of Disease (NED). We will celebrate NED, God willing, every few months for the rest of my years. I had this feeling about today, God gave me this peace that I cannot explain. I knew the cancer wasn't anywhere else for right now. It felt so good to have that blessing today and for that good news. With that being said there is still much ahead. I don't feel a sign or relief, or feel like any weight has been lifted. So although I am VERY thankful for the clear scans today, my heart is still in a broken place where I am still sad, mad, scared, and anxious about what all is still to come. You see the thing about melanoma is that it isn't "curable" and once it has crossed into your lymph the chance of it coming back again is very high. Im not going to define myself by statistics and let that get to me, but if Im really honest with myself, and with all of you, I'm scared. I know that this life I am living now isn't a surprise to my heavenly father. I know that he loves and cares for me and that his plan for me is perfect. I haven't had a doubt for one minute that the following isn't true or a second of being angry with him.

So,  let me share with everyone a little of what we know after today. The cancer was not found in my Brain or anywhere else in my body besides the lymph. Since originally from my surgery a week ago we know that it is in the lymph the next step is another surgery. This surgery is called the complete dissection of the groin lymph. It is a very long, intense, complicated surgery, but all over the world is the next routine step to take. I will have this surgery next Friday the 19th. This will also be at Hershey with my Oncologist surgical team, and the pathology from this will be sent again and we will again wait for results to see if the cancer has moved from more than the 1 lymph node that was already removed.  I will be in the hospital a couple days and then home to recover for many weeks. I will have  lymph drain and very large incision. I will need LOTS of prayer to tackle this. But I will do this and I will fight this thing. In the mean time my mom is flying home for a week to check up on things at home and be with my dad. She has been here for 3 weeks already and I will need her for the involved recovery coming up. I have another week to recover and gain back strength and weight before the next operation. My dad and her will return next week.

Ok so everyones questions are what next after surgery??? Well a lot is next. Right now its hard to look ahead and see what we face. Im trying to be thankful for today with the Gift that God has given me more life to live, more time to love, and more days to do his work whatever that may be. I will have appointments in the next month with a melanoma dermatologist specialist who I will see VERY often, an oncologist who will discuss with me the treatment and all that comes with managing this cancer and fighting this fight. For now we live for today, and I know I have 9 more days to rest, recover, and do fun things with my husband, babies, and best friends.