Another new normal
This is my story and I'm sharing and being vulnerable which used to be way out of my comfort but I'm getting used to being able to open up more. I know that many of you have had many trips to a derm and so this is nothing new to you. I have my whole life kept up diligently with a dermatologist too. I also know that there are so many out there who are walking a much harder cancer story or life story. I'm sharing my walk so that my family and friends can all feel a part, and those of you who are praying can be updated on my journey. I also do this in hopes that my story, although small, can impact a life. The pictures below are graphic, so don't scroll on if you don't like stitches :)
Today I saw my melanoma specialist dermatologist. She is amazing. So kind, so knowledgeable, so supportive. She sits and talks, she tells us so much information, she encourages. She told me today how to expect lots of things will be taken off, probably one or two at a check up, or anything in between that looks questionable. I'm so thankful for her, thankful for all my caregivers, who are living out their calling. In doing this, they are saving my life. She reassured me that with me she will always be hyper vigilant and anything that even looks a little out of the safe range will go.
Guys, if you haven't GO to the dermatologist! I asked her today a few questions about the amount of skin cancer she sees a day in the cancer institute. She said she sees a lot of basal cell, which is the most common. Melanoma is way less common and easier most the time to see, but friends, get checked!! Something that may look normal to you, or anything that has changed, could need to be removed. My doctor uses this thing called the dermascope to look at all my moles. It's like a super powered magnifying glass. I think I said it so long ago and I just wish I had a better way of saying it, but one inconvenient appointment to get a skin check is waaaaay less convenient than living the rest of your life fighting cancer. Trust me, just do.
No longer am I a "watch it" patient she informed me today. This I already knew. We will always be taking things off. At my first appointment with her I was so sick from being on the high dose interferon and she felt she could not do any procedures on me, but she didn't like this same mole, I didn't either. Then when I had an exam by my oncologist (who is the head of hematology and specializes in melanoma) and she wanted it off, well off it was going to go. She examined very carefully and thought everything else looked ok. I had a few concerns and she could tell me what every spot was and could also tell me some of the things I had would never tun into melanoma. Today she told me that I will have mostly punch biopsies from now on.
This way they will get more margins around the mole. Today they took 3mm margins, and I have a few stitches. My procedure today seemed like nothing compared to all the mess going on everyday in my life. Just another day fighting cancer, another day trusting God and trying to make sense of this life. Everything will be sent to pathology and we will get results in a week or so. It is very common at my stage to possibly have a recurrence some time, the reason I am monitored so carefully. So pray with me that there are no issues with this pathology that we are now waiting to hear about.
Yes I pray and hope that one day all this I will be more used to. I am not there yet. We are working through what this looks like, how to do this as a family. I go to the doctor or an appointment about 3 days out of 5 a week. Right now it seems like endurance is what I need, and I know God will provide that strength. When I am home I feel needed, it's hard for the kids. They are doing great, but its a change for them too. It's a lot more right now than it will be forever I do know that. The days in cancer treatment are hard, so so many of you know that. I'm trying to give my self some grace in these moments where I feel like I've been running a marathon. Speaking of that I was late to my appointment today and ran in to meet Kev. I jogged probably about 100 yards and could NOT have jogged another step. Kev told me not to worry, that my comeback would be an amazing one. I love him. It will be, one day. Until then Grace.
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.
But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!
We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us,
knowing him directly just as he knows us!" 1 Corinthians 13:12
I think I need endurance and then I think of how easy it is for our King to love us. That he never gives up on us, never lets go, and has since the beginning and will to the end, love us with a never ending, everlasting, beautiful love. I want that endurance to finish this race.
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