Perspective

"I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." 

Psalm 16:8

I've promised this post for several months now. A funny story. I was reminded of it again today when talking with a great life friend. I shared with her, the story of finding out about my cancer and the day that surrounded it.


It was August, well we all knew that part already. My car had been acting up for a few months and we had been searching for what we wanted. The choices are limited with so many little people to cart around. I had an escalade that needed replaced and didn't want to drive another one, but was searching endlessly for the right suburban. It needed to be a specific color, and have all the "necessities" in the interior. To make a longer story a little shorter, my car broke down before we had the chance to get what exactly I had in mind. My husband on the other hand, has dreamed of a mini van for years. And when we knew we had no more time to look, he simply assured me that we would get what I wanted eventually but for now he was literally getting in the car, driving it to the closest minivan dealer, getting whatever they would offer us for our clunker, and buying a minivan. I was ok with this plan. The kids were ecstatic with this plan.

Not a surprise to anyone if you've been reading my blog, I DO NOT like change. Even in the form of a car. So it was a little hard to say goodbye to my baby mobile, the car we had for years and I drove around all my kiddos in. Why so sentimental, I don't even know why now. We took a few pictures and I tried not to cry as Kev left that Thursday morning and drove off with my car. We all waved goodbye and then went on with the morning... for about 20 min.

It had been about 10 days earlier that I had a mole biopsied off my leg. It was send to pathology, but no one was ever concerned. The plan was for my doctor to call me when they got the results just so I knew all was ok. We had spent the previous weekend with our best friends at the lake, adults only. It was a super fun time. I had not really a care in the world, besides maybe some stress over a new car change, and sending my Joy to kindergarten. I was sitting on the front steps and the kids were running around outside. I had watered the flowers and plants, my favorite thing to do. The phone rang and I answered.

"Joanna Dennstaedt?" yes, I replied. "It's Dr. ____ we have the results from your biopsy. It showed the the mole we removed was Melanoma." It was quiet for a few minutes. I didn't know at that point what to say. I actually was expecting something not great, but melanoma? I was not at all expecting that, nor did I know what it even meant. "That's like, not good right?" I asked. She went on explaining a few things but being vague. She told me that She was there to answer any questions that I had and if anything came up I could call her right away. She told me she wanted to speak to me first, but she had all the referral papers in her hands and was sending them the moment we hung up to Hershey's Cancer clinic. They would call me within the next 24 hours to schedule an appointment with a surgeon. Cancer Hospital? What was going on? My heart sank a little when she said that. I still had no clue. My head started to spin. I said ok, and ok a few more times. She made me write down her number and said to call her. I said ok again. And then I probably said thanks (thanks for telling me I have cancer?) and hung up the phone. I tried to call kev, but he didn't answer, he was a little busy. Buying a minivan remember? My mom was in Germany, I just needed to call her so bad. I started to get upset, called Tara and told her to come to me right away. In about 30 seconds or what felt like too long, I was crying in her arms, in shock I think.

Finally Kev called and I told him about the call. He was going to finish his car business and be home. The rest of us went to Tara's and we sat on the patio and talked, I cried, I stared into space and started writing down questions. I would later call the doctor back and get more information. It was the first day, of many more to follow that I would be in an utter state of shock and emotions wrapped in my best friends and husbands arms. I remember Heather Hugging my and Tara standing there. This was the first of so many days like this to come. Wow we had NO idea...

So that is how it went. In a shorter version than in my mind. Friends, I got a minivan and cancer in the SAME DAY. I'm pretty sure NO ONE else can say that their day was ever that good. I joked with several people that if anyone asked me how I was doing, that I would respond with exactly that. "I'm doing great, I got cancer and a minivan this week, how are you?" I don't know if I could have asked for a better way to see a clear picture of my life and where my perspective needed change. God can use humor in his ways too.

The funny part of this story aside, God showed up on Day 1 of my cancer story and he hasn't been absent a single day yet. Did I actually care about what kind of car I drove? I did. I have had real moments of feeling guilt for the amount of "things" I actually put weight to in my life. I still today cannot get over the way that God smacked me across the face with the reality of what and where I had found worth. No longer friends. It took all of a moments time to realize how ridiculous I had been, how shallow I had let some of life get, and how much perspective can change. It could have all happened any other way. It could have been the day before when things were going fine, the car was still running and we were heading to the pool with friends. It didn't happen that way though, God knew the exact moment that he would allow to change my life forever, and he used that moment for me to see with such a clear picture his purpose and his importance in my life, and what was about to come with that. There are so many things that we don't understand about life. Hardly do we ever fully understand God's timing, rarely do we get a glimpse of his whole picture. But on this Day August 7th, I was able to feel his presence, see his importance, and contemplate my sin and where my values laid in the way of my idols vs. my God. Things were going to change, right then. It took quite the wake up call, but it worked. God showed up when I least expected, to prove to me that he was of most importance. Wishful thinking that I did not need a cancer diagnosis to acknowledge him more, but maybe I did. I always knew I needed him, but in my life I hadn't made the space to NEED him. I always trusted he was with me, but He wanted me to know that he was the only one that needed to be with me. Maybe I had let God take little bit of a back seat, knowing he was there when I was going to  call on him, but life was good, and I was going along ok with him right there waiting.

"Keep on hearing, but do not understand; Keep on seeing, but do not perceive." Isaiah 6:9

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:28

What is it going to take friends? Even though hard and suffering isn't immune to anyone, can we just find a way to trust and love him more before we have to be smacked upside the head with something no one is prepared to face. We need him. Desperately. If you haven't had that feeling yet, its going to come. The shock is indescribable and we can never be ready, but we can be more prepared. I wasn't ready for cancer, but I was prepared. I didn't even think twice when for the first time in my life I got a glimpse of the really hard, I fell to the ground and grabbed Jesus. I haven't let go since. This my friends is where the wild ride started, and it was the first day in my cancer story where life perspective became black and white. None of this comes with us. NOT ONE SINGLE thing.

"For we brought nothing into this world and we cannot take anything out of the world." 

1 Timothy 6:7

A Fight to the Finish and being prepared: 

In the end when this story is over we do know who is going to win. I've realized that clearly, and I want to be prepared to be on the winning side. 

The Whole Armor of God

 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak". Ephesians 6:10-20 (ESV)

"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out." Ephesians 6:10-20 (Message)