Chopped it off...

Today was a good day. Full of blessings. First it snowed here, which makes anyday a good day. I was born and raised, my early years, in Minnesota in the cold and snow. I LOVE snow, and winter, and all of its beauty. Another thing I love, look forward to, and cherish is a SNOW day! Today all the kids were home and instead of staying on the couch drinking tea and warming by the fire, Tara and I ventured off to the hair salon. We stopped at Starbucks on the way and played our brave song on repeat 3 times. Amazing Lizz held down the fort here, probably better than Tara and I could have done together.


I've been thinking of cutting my hair. At my last appointment my oncologist told me it would be a good idea, that most people where I am go ahead and do it. My hair has been thinning some, but only that I would notice. It could just thin, it could fall out, we really don't know. What I do know is that in 2 weeks my best is leaving and if I was going to cut it I wanted to do it with her. I felt good about it, it's a fun change too, and I did it. Amy did an amazing job!  I would have NEVER cut my hair this short without a good reason. I've NEVER had my hair shorter than the length of my shoulders. I'm not sure why, my rule was just always that as long as it fit in a pony tail it was good. I was fine today, not anxious about change, thats my usual, and just able to do today. I really could care less about what my hair looks like especially on days I'm feeling terrible. I didn't think I used to care before but I've realized I cared about a lot of things pre cancer diagnosis way more than I ever needed to, or should have. It has also caused me to cherish a lot of things way more than I ever did.

"What God has patiently taught me over the years is the difference between pretty and beautiful. Pretty is what was valued in my childhood home, something that involves primping and painting and covering over so as to be acceptable in society's eyes. Beautiful on the other hand, is the revelation of what is truly and naturally there, often through suffering." The Hardest Peace

Today was a gift from God. All days are. I am feeling good, my headaches are ok if I take medicine.(lots of it) I feel like I don't need to sleep 4 hours every afternoon to survive the day, and thats saying something. So I'm hopeful about next week being able to restart the meds. I guess a lot depends on my blood counts and that is out of my control. I have my MRI Scheduled for Monday morning early, and we go back Tuesday at noon to see the oncologist, get the results, and get a plan from there. Tara is going to take me and meet my doc and see my place. After we are going to spend the afternoon together shopping in King of Prussia. We dreamed of being able to do this because my doctor is there so we had to get it in one time before she leaves. So far we have bawled with each other every day since we've found out she's going. We talk through how its going to be and how we are going to be ok. Tears drop down my cheeks as I write. Im not prepared or ready to have another sister away from me, especially at this time when I feel like I need them all here. But in every day there are blessings and comfort, and we are thankful and have HOPE in all that is to come. We know that when we are sad and feel devastated that its because we aren't seeing God in what lies ahead. We are still able to laugh and cry in the same sentence most days so really we are managing ok. I think I'm pretending its not happening most days too, which will make reality when it come, be extremely hard.

 We cried and took a selfie to remember our tears. We should do that more often.