Army of support

I wish you could capture a second of my life into your grasp. The way that God is providing and arranging things perfectly into place is a beautiful thing to watch. Something only that could have been coordinated by Him someone who knows my needs better than myself...

My doctor was very clear yesterday that to go through treatment I am going to need a tremendous amount of help at home. I will need help for myself and that doesn't include 3 beautiful little girls and an adorable unruly 20 month old little boy. I get stressed out when I try to think about it all being managed but I must let go and watch God provide... And he has, and he will.

My sister sent an email out yesterday after my appointment before there was barely even time to begin for me to think about how all this will start to work out. She's going to be making some big sacrifices to be here with me, with us. She used to live with us in college and my kiddos adore her and her husband. Her hub is a doc, or will be very soon, and another person that has a cancer story that knows my pains and fears, and medically can help also. There is purpose in pain. 

My best friend is a nurse. She lives a few doors down and has been one of my strongest encouragers and supporters. She tells me I'll be ok, she helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel and has been walking with me long before day 1. She's going to give me all my injections and be able to help me get through that part. She has been along side me through my surgeries and has been a huge comforting help. God has provided her for me and for this time, I'm confident in that. We are so much alike and so we understand each other like no one else can. My other best is the most selfless, loving, supporting, caring person you will ever meet. And if you want to meet her she would be up for it, and she would love you too. She's been by my side for years, through 6 pregnancies and births, through all the years of raising our babies, through hard days, and some of the best, through these past few months that have been close to unbearable, and she would drop anything at any moment to be by my side. She's also a couple doors down and I can't really think of anything that would be better than this set up God has made right here. I'm confident that there is so much purpose in the way God has orchestrated our friendship for these moments we are walking through together now.

Then comes our families that are nothing short of the most selfless support system anyone could have. I'm not trying to brag, yet trying to show the undeserving of Gods grace that he is pouring out on me. I just told Kev about 5 minutes ago that every third thought I have is "how is this happening, how can I do this?" And every time I think that I'm overcome with thankfulness for the reality of how I will do this... And that is with the amazing support system that I have. It doesn't stop at my family and closest friends, it goes way beyond. I have a group of girlfriends that are irreplaceable, a bible study group that I can confide in for anything, a church that is well equipped to love and support wherever we may need, good friends who have signed up on a list a mile long to keep us fed, amazing neighbors that are absolutely an answer to prayer way  before there was a cancer story, a team of college girls past and present that I have always adored and are here for us, I could go on... 

I simply do not take this lightly to feel this loved. I've done nothing other than receive a cancer diagnosis to deserve this. I know so many are aching for some support to lift you when you are down and I say to you, keep praying and keep trusting, for our time is not Gods and he knows how to meet our needs and what they are. Continue to ask for his blessings and guidance. And to those of you like me, be more thankful in your present day, sometimes we take it all for granted. Don't be fooled by the security of people but see that in a way to feel Gods outpouring of love for you because that's the real security. For it's all by no mistake you are where you are whether you are the mom or dad, husband or wife, sister or brother, or best friend of this person for whom is in so much need. You too are part of a beautiful unfolding story whether you are the one telling it or one who's a part of it. Give yourself credit and be confident in that, even if in this short life of ours you will never see clear your purpose in this time. .

Wow I'm feeling long winded tonight. This day has just been numbing to me as I realize there is somewhat of another countdown until hard hits the pavement again. I hope that everyone reading knows how thankful I am for your love and support. I won't ever be able to get to thank each and everyone of of you and share the specific ways you have been impacting my story but know that YOU are a part of something so big. I can do this... I have to. I need you and everything you are giving, prayers are so desperately needed and we are so thankful for that. I'm open now to see that I'm the desperate one, my family is the needy one, we are those people who need to be picked up because we are going to be down. I'm weak and scared, and am about to conquer a really really hard feat ahead. One where this unselfish mom of four babies who's barely had time to pee in the last 8 years is going to have to be concerned with nothing more than getting myself better and fighting this cancer.  We all need others to catch us when we are falling and now is that time, and humbly here I am. 

"Only I know what will happen to you this day. I have arranged the events you will encounter as you go along your way. If you are not adequately equipped for the journey, you will grow weary and lose heart. Relax with me while I ready you for action."

-  Jesus calling

For we are Gods workmanship, created in Christ to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2:10

One of my fav all time camp songs was talked about in our kids devotion tonight.

Refiners fire

My hearts one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for you my master

Ready to do your will

First night out (at kiddos soccer game) post big surgery with my bests.