Brave: possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance

I sit here every night and I'm either crying, like a ugly mess cry, or my brain is spinning and I'm trying to pray away fear and read truth, which in turn brings me back to tears. It's like this revolving door of emotions I'm flooded with daily. In my head I see it like the beach. I used to (like 2 months ago) love the beach, now I think about it and I cry. Suprised? (I cry a lot these days) When I think of the beach now I think of Sun, then melanoma, then i tear up, then think of the annoying sand everywhere and then the waves... Oh the powerful, crashing, loud, persistent waves. That's kinda how I've felt the last few weeks, well since the day of the "I'm sorry Joanna you have melanoma" phone call. It's like I've been crushed by this huge wave over and over again, with little teeny breaths of fresh air in between, over and over and over again. The teeny breaths of fresh air are enough to keep me from drowning and they, like the waves, come consistently. This way I won't give up and sink because I know air is coming again, a friend, a hug, a text or card, a random act of a complete stranger, or our best friends and family saying repeatedly we are doing this with you, we are out here in this ocean treading water to catch you if you go under. And then I realize this is all going to be ok, and that Im not going to do it alone. 

I have this theme "song" right now because a best friend from college sent it to me to listen to weeks ago, and then another random angel wrote a beautiful note and dropped off the same CD on my doorstep.  (two seperate individuals neither knew the other was introducing the same song)

It's Brave from Bethel music. It speaks to me. It's the crashing waves and God's endless love. It's truth again. It givs me peace, it makes me want to fight this stupid cancer thing and kick it's butt for the zillion reasons I have to still be here on earth, and it makes me want to open my arms and just shout to the heavens "ok there's nothing left here, you have ALL of me and my broken self, so use it the way you created it to be used"...


link if you are on your phone:

Lyrics:

I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashing over me, crashing over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Into Your grace

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made

And just in case anyone is up for the Dennstaedt family version of our new favorite theme song... I introduce you to the four most adorable performers on the planet...
(PS If you so desire to see this you have to get on your computer and off your iPhone)