Fear Not... I am with you...

Today was an answer to prayer. I have always known and truly believed that God answers prayers, I mean he tells us that himself. It was my prayer going into my appointments today that there would be wisdom and clear direction. There was. I found out lots of information today. Another day of being thankful for amazing knowledgeable doctors and another day of really not wanting to be sitting there while this discussion was all about me. That is hard! Kev and my mom were with me and we've taped most of our appointments to listen to. This was the first appointment we have had with an oncologist so I think we thought we knew a lot by all our own researching, but we learned a ton more. My surgeon is awesome but she is very surgical minded and we didn't talk much about staging and treatment and life maintenance. She just helped us rid my body of the attacking cancer. Today all those discussions were had with the oncologist. I found out today that I had staged myself wrong, big suprise. Melanoma is seriously the most complicated staging process. I have learned so much and I am learning more everyday. I am actually stage 3b. Which makes a difference when you talk about treatment options and adjuvant therapy. It's a little step in the direction you don't want to be in. But here we are. 


Anyhow I wasn't going to update tonight I was going to wait until I go to Penn for a second opinion, to let everyone know what choices I face. Today I found out that with me where I'm sitting right now a year on interferon is happening ASAP there is way less of a choice than I thought, and we prayed for that, not interferon, but that the doctors would direct my path. The doctor at Penn will absolutely say the same thing so what I will be needing to decide is who I want my doctor to be, I will be able to do the treatment at hershey and have appointments between doctors both places. 

Don't really know what else to say. I'm am exhausted once again, and at a loss for words. I'm facing really long, exhausting, hard hard, days ahead. Today hit me like a ton of bricks even though I knew it was a possibility. It was just like wow I'm doing this I have to and so not sure how but I'm doing this. Just the thoughts like wow I'm really a cancer patient, I have four babies how is this real, if I wrote down what's inside my head you would be reading this blog for an hour. 

Here are a couple prayer requests for the next couple weeks, by the beginning of November or sooner I will start treatment. 

Pray for peace for me, or rest anything that calms me down. I start an anti depressant tomorrow everyone that starts interferon takes it so I'm starting right away. Pray that helps. 

I have a little fluid spot under my large incision pray that goes away in the next 2 weeks because at the next follow up my surgeon will drain it if she has to and that just raises risk of infection. 

Pray that we get together and come up with some significant plans and schedules for help that we will be desperately needing for the next many months to come. 

This verse below is where I go to find my peace. Its what i meditate on when I'm getting my scans and when Im laying in bed crying at night. I know that this is where I will always find rest. 

Psalm 118:1 give thanks to the Lord for he is GOOD, his love endures FOREVER